Yoga Terms

Maintaining the Spark

For years, I’ve been working with couples on the idea of play. I’ve even created a number of workshops specifically for this objective. Many couples don’t place enough emphasis on the fun times they share together. Focus is often placed on shared responsibilities – money, commitments, family, etc. Couples quickly find themselves more like a member of a team than part of an actual relationship- with desire. Not that teamwork isn’t an important facet of a loving bond; it can often make or break a relationship. However, when a couple loses their identity as lovers, real issues almost immediately follow, and they tell me they’ve lost the spark.

When your emotional connection seems to fall into hibernation, usually with the excitement and mystery that was once there, it can feel like the spark just isn’t there anymore. I beg to differ; however, the demands of your daily life have muddied the waters and your fire can be hard to feel. Each quality that drew you to this person is still present, now it’s time to re-awaken it.

In the work I do with couples, I talk a lot about being present and in the moment of each other’s lives. It’s like the difference between hearing and listening. You can hear what your partner is saying because you have the capacity to do so, but are you actually listening to what they’re saying? Listening involves devoted attention to not only the words, but also the tone and inflection of how these words are delivered. Listening is exactly like being present in a relationship. It’s making an active connection between you and the other person.

Finding time to play or spending intimate moments with each other is the basis to restoring a relationship. These shared activities help to remind you of the feelings you once had for each other. The spark will re-emerge, and you will feel a new sense of desire with the one you have committed your passion to. Your connection will be sustained, even strengthened, simply by devoting a little time to each other! Once you’ve done this, your lives won’t seem quite as hectic as they did before because it’s no longer all work – now there’s play!

When things seem too heavy to make light, that’s usually the most important time for this. Sometimes, relationships scream for play, and we try to cover up the problems. Yet, usually the simplest answer is to just spend time together doing something you both enjoy. Don’t let your belief that you have no time dictate your relationship. Just set aside some time to play together, you’ll find that hidden spark.


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